you wanted to know so damn bad, well here it is.

heart racing, speed climbing, hands shaking.
i can't breathe.
silent screams of pain and pleasure,
i don't want to move.
my gag reflex is being put to the ulimate test,
you stand before me.
i am a torn and battered mess,
i can still feel your touch on my body from that caress.
you took it away from me.
no one knows how it feels,
the suffering for these passed 4 years.
i wanted to crawl in a hole and die,
the night you caught my eye.
my insides churned, my mind yearned for something different,
something happier like i once was.
i remember the exact night and what you looked like,
i remember the exact feelings i felt.
i tried to change my past, but made my future worse.
no one can take away my memory,
those feelings and that night's events are burned into my head.
cut, bleed, and over again; you would think that'd be me.
no, i will never be that way.
instead of hurting myself, i fix everyone else.
my mission, my goal, to mend my broken self.
worn and wasted my heart and my body,
i won't stop until we are all one again.