i'm STILL not your everything, i get it

i wrote our names inside of a heart,
yours in pencil, mine in pen.
the heart was the same medium as yours.
things i am certain about will always be permenant,
things i am unsure of are erasable then.
i know, i know i lead myself to believe,
ever since that night, i dont know what is real or makebelieve.
can you help ? can you send me a sign ?
i offer, i make the effort to see you,
you shoot me down without a warning.
i drove to see you today, rehearsed our encounter the whole time.
all the while, wondering if you were thinking of me while inside.
you are my disease,
the one that eats me away from the insides to my skin.
you can't help it and sadly, niether can i.
babe, can we pretend that this never happened ?
let's go back to that wednesday, daylight hours of thursday.
you don't even remember.
i need you now, i am fooling myself when i say how.
i am "moving on," i swear.
can't you tell ?
i am dealing with this torture so well.
you don't even know what you do to me,
you just do it all too well.
like you have done this before,
that's right, you have.
your other side told me all about it,
spitting, spitting, carbon copies of eachother.
i can't believe i tripped.
i'm sick,
you make me this way.
i dont want to live to see another day.
there you go, another lie.
i do, i don't even want to die.