goodbye lorinne

open your eyes, your body, your mind.
it is what it is.
let your surroundings into your lungs,
into your heart, your soul.
you've got it now,
it's all over.
embrace yourself,
you are beauty,
you are strength,
you are simplicity,
you are hope.
take it all in,
your chance to live is now.

emote, emote, i emote perfection

My life is a rain storm or I Love You's, but that's all over now.
i've found out that you're the one, but you don't know it. you dont even care.
so i'll keep my lips pursed and hands clasped for now. you were the first, my last, the one i miss before i drown.

fingers wisp through hair like you've won it all

dead bodies don't drown,
therefore i am.
screams thrown at deaf ears,
the screams you couldn't hear anyway.
silent pain and a traumatised woman lain,
over there across the bed,
blood from the head.
tears fall, more blood is shead.
tambourine taps against one knee,
it's his signature, a kiss to the cheeck.
a kick, a tear all to the body,
you're not here tonight,
i bet now you're sorry.
i'm scared, i want to drown,
just for a moment i'll smile never frown.
i've got it, you're wrong,
not even i am right this time.
a piercing thought,
oh my upper lip how it stings now.
the sweat drips onto the bottom one now,
as if there never was a kiss.
a few shots, a hott girl on a table,
the memories are now repressed.
you cant even remember my face now,
can you stand the sight of your own ?

grimace and grin

my mouth wide open, i'm out of luck.
a weakened grin and a torn up look.
this sounds like a chapter from a book.
i really should care, but i'm starting not to give a fuck.
please help me, i need a sign.
a limp body that was shaken to the ground.
i misunderstood mommy, that was taken downtown.
everyone stares because she looks fine,
not shaken up, or worried only normal breaths.
a flick of the gentleman's wrist, the paper is finished.
a small court order to claimed her innosence.
the mother, so small and weak charged for deaths,
or so to speak.

you don't have a clue

turn your back on me,
you know i'm the only one that ever set you free.
tell me that you don't care,
i know you do,
if you didn't,
you wouldn't waste all of your energy.
tell me that you hate me,
i know you really do.
because when it comes down to it,
that's all aside because i know you need me too.

you're so vain

define love,
define lust,
define hope,
define hate,
define loathe,
define despise.
one million words couldn't explain how you feel more than one of these words could.
assume makes an ass out of you and me.
you scam, mock, and amuse me.
you tease, torture and confuse me.
who are you ?
and how do you feel ?
i'm scared, you're happy.
i'm crying, you're excited.
i'm lonely, you're amused.
i'm hurt, you're hurting me.
you're killing me, killing me with no words at all now.

i'm STILL not your everything, i get it

i wrote our names inside of a heart,
yours in pencil, mine in pen.
the heart was the same medium as yours.
things i am certain about will always be permenant,
things i am unsure of are erasable then.
i know, i know i lead myself to believe,
ever since that night, i dont know what is real or makebelieve.
can you help ? can you send me a sign ?
i offer, i make the effort to see you,
you shoot me down without a warning.
i drove to see you today, rehearsed our encounter the whole time.
all the while, wondering if you were thinking of me while inside.
you are my disease,
the one that eats me away from the insides to my skin.
you can't help it and sadly, niether can i.
babe, can we pretend that this never happened ?
let's go back to that wednesday, daylight hours of thursday.
you don't even remember.
i need you now, i am fooling myself when i say how.
i am "moving on," i swear.
can't you tell ?
i am dealing with this torture so well.
you don't even know what you do to me,
you just do it all too well.
like you have done this before,
that's right, you have.
your other side told me all about it,
spitting, spitting, carbon copies of eachother.
i can't believe i tripped.
i'm sick,
you make me this way.
i dont want to live to see another day.
there you go, another lie.
i do, i don't even want to die.

the ground falls up to the sky.

shread my clothing,
rip off my skin,
my heart is bleeding now,
my pain won't end.
i am drenched from head to toe,
blood, my blood is seeping through the floor.
tripping, falling, scraping, bruising.
knees giving way and eyes failing to say what they know.
the situation is rough now,
no one can save you from this misery.
mouth sew shut with wires and thread,
the needle was stabbed in the back of my head.
to use, to use, to kill slowly.
the screams were silenced,
your heart,
broken.

what is love but only a figment of the mind ?

it will find you, no need to search.

to wait and live, finally to stumble.

a crossed path, a midnight nudge.

you will find love.

a needle in my eye,

and "x" over my heart.

your words, my love was always true.

i cried that night, i died a little too.

it was set there, on that table;

the pieces, the pieces of this godforsaken heart.

the beating of a drum much like a heart before that night,

then smashed to pieces like a hit on a tambourine.

scared, scared to death.

you've got me wrapped around your finger,

not in love, but in hate, not in hate, but fear itself.

you wanted to know so damn bad, well here it is.

heart racing, speed climbing, hands shaking.
i can't breathe.
silent screams of pain and pleasure,
i don't want to move.
my gag reflex is being put to the ulimate test,
you stand before me.
i am a torn and battered mess,
i can still feel your touch on my body from that caress.
you took it away from me.
no one knows how it feels,
the suffering for these passed 4 years.
i wanted to crawl in a hole and die,
the night you caught my eye.
my insides churned, my mind yearned for something different,
something happier like i once was.
i remember the exact night and what you looked like,
i remember the exact feelings i felt.
i tried to change my past, but made my future worse.
no one can take away my memory,
those feelings and that night's events are burned into my head.
cut, bleed, and over again; you would think that'd be me.
no, i will never be that way.
instead of hurting myself, i fix everyone else.
my mission, my goal, to mend my broken self.
worn and wasted my heart and my body,
i won't stop until we are all one again.

i've decided to not do stupid bs blogs anymore

i will actually share my thoughts with the stupid internet.
keep in mind that my punctuation probably won't be the best because when i get in a writing mood, those are my thought's and soul. all else goes out the window.

staring at the clock, ten more mintues.
breaths, sighs of relief; you're almost mine.
clamy hands, pebbles of cold sweat on your brow.
enter into my life, the room of white that was once ours.
wine, whine, read, and read.
i cant think with this contaminated head.
thoughts whirl, spiraling everywhere into an abyss.
i cant breathe, it's over now.
put your fists down, my pride is torn.
from ear to ear is sewn, your smile faded
ceased hearing and blind thoughts
eyes failed when you tried to speak
knees went weak when you tried to hear
the words, the words, they were my last.
you're a fake, a liar, now a friend.
a foe, a hero, and enemy.
my love, my sorrow, the pain.
you were my very first.
tied at the wrists, my heart is captive.
my soul bottled up and figure decreped.
the first mistake i made was you,
that was my only mistake too.
the object lay at your feet,
if only i had you close to me.
that will never happen again,
the glance i got was hell and when
you lifted your hand, all was said,
i might as well have been dead.